My golden rule: I can’t have an issue with someone unless I tell them why, and give them a chance to fix it.

I adopted this aspirational standard when I was a teenager, and I’ve strived to meet it ever since. Little did I know that it would be as valuable in the workplace as it was in high school...

Because the truth is, honest feedback can be hard to come by in whatever environment you’re in.

We come up with a million reasons why we shouldn’t be direct with someone.

“I don’t want to hurt their feelings.”

“Even if I say something, it won’t change.”

“It’s not like they don’t already know they’re doing it.”\

But the statistics show that contrary to the stories we tell ourselves, people thrive when receiving honest and empathetic feedback.

According to Clutch, 68% of employees who receive accurate and consistent feedback feel fulfilled in their jobs.

So, we know that receiving feedback can help us succeed, but we also know that people will often avoid delivering it at all costs.

WHERE DOES THAT LEAVE US?

Well, it could leave us waiting, unaware of the things we are doing well and even more blind to what we may need to work on.

Or, we can take matters into our own hands and start soliciting the feedback we’re looking for.

If option two sounds better to you (I know it does to me), keep reading, because I have five tips to help you get quality feedback in any situation.

1 | ASK "WHAT" NOT "HOW"

The first step is asking for feedback. Sounds obvious, I know, but bear with me! It’s all about how you ask for it. You want to avoid “how” questions like, “how did it go.” When you ask for feedback this way, you’re likely to get back something like, “it went well” without any actionable substance behind it.

Instead, try asking “what” questions like, “what segment did you think was the strongest?” or “what was one area I could have improved on?”

These questions require a much more thoughtful response, providing you with more meaningful feedback.

2 | BE SPECIFIC

The other thing to keep in mind when you’re asking for feedback is to be specific. Direct your questions to focus on the areas you want feedback on. For example, if you are feeling unsure about your presentation skills, don’t ask “what did you think of the presentation?” Rather, ask specifically, “what feedback do you have on my presentation style? What should I be working on?”

3 | PREPARE, HEAR, PROCESS

Feedback, even when you want to hear it, can be a lot to take in. It can be easy to become defensive or overly self critical in the moment. So it is important to prepare for the fact that you may be surprised by what you are about to hear. This will set you up to really hear what is being described in the moment, so you can process clearly after the fact. More on processing feedback in a bit!

4 | CLARIFYING QUESTIONS

We’ve already gone over how uncomfortable delivering feedback can be, and because of that, sometimes the feedback deliverer can be less than clear. That’s why it is important to ask clarifying questions if you aren’t following what they are specifically referring to. Depending on the situation, you could ask, “could you give me an example of that.” Or, you could ask a more specific question, or even summarize how you are interpreting the feedback and ask them to confirm if that aligns with what they are trying to convey.

5 | EVALUATE

Finally, after you’re prepared, solicited, clarified and heard the feedback, it’s time to walk away and evaluate it.

The simple truth is that not all feedback is good feedback. But, you not agreeing with the feedback doesn’t automatically make it bad feedback either.

Do your homework. Reflect on what was shared, reach out to another person you trust for their feedback as well. Take some time and decide how you are going to move forward with this feedback now that you have it.

It’s up to you to put it into action.

FINAL THOUGHTS

No matter the result, one thing is for certain. By taking charge, and soliciting the feedback yourself, you now have substantially more information than you would have otherwise.

And information is always valuable.

If there is something that needs to be addressed, the only way to work on it is to know it exists.

Now, go and get that feedback!